Bother
by Bernie Boosie
Summary: He hit his head with his hand as though that would clear his mind of his recent dream of long red hair and flowery scents...' HG, based off of Stone Sour's song 'Bother' but NOT a songfic


**Disclaimer: **Basically everything is J.K.'s like usual, not that I don't wish it were mine. Also based on the song Bother by Stone Sour which I don't own either.

**Rating: **PG-13 or T or whatever it is.

**Summary: **Ginny took Harry breaking up with her well, but how does she really feel? Can Harry go on without Ginny? _He hit his head with his hand as though that would clear hid mind of his recent dream of long red hair and flowery scents._ H/G

**A/N: **Ok, so I didn't have anyone proof read this, so if there are mistakes please forgive me and point them out to me so I can fix them. This fic is based off of the song 'Bother' by Stone Sour but it's NOT a song-fic. It's kinda angsty which upsets me because I want to write something other than angst but I couldn't just leave this one un-finished.

* * *

**Bother

* * *

**

Tears rolled down the side of her face dampening her red hair as she lay on her side on the old lumpy bed that vacated her room. Eyeliner smeared across her face as she wiped her eyes. She turned over on her bed, closing her eyes tight and praying for something else, praying for death, but her eyes opened to her bland white wall. She traced the tiny black writing that had been the result of disappearing parchment and the quill and ink that was still sitting on her bedside table. It seemed to glare at her from the wall the black contrasting the stark white of her walls. She grabbed her quill again, swishing her red hair behind her ear as she dipped the quill into the ink. She pressed the quill against the wall _Wish I wa_ the quill broke as she pressed hard on the wall making her hand ram into the wall, her knuckles blared at her. Pain seared up her arm, and she kicked the wall in anger making her foot hurt as well as her hand. For a second the self-affliction that had been pulsing through her head faded away, but it soon came back, reminding her of her stupidity in ever letting herself get emotionally involved. She rammed her hand into the wall again, every hit bringing another foul word out of her mouth, every twinge of pain making her curse at who ever decides who lives and who dies. She felt sick as her hand rammed into the wall again, her stomach churning as she let the masochist of a monster inside her hit her and kick her until she could hardly breathe, and she enjoyed it, she enjoyed the pain.

"Ginny!" Ron cried, bursting through her door and grabbing her hand as she went to ram it into the wall again, he squeezed her wrist hard as she tried to rip it from his grip. "You've got to stop this." He said, loosening his grip on her hand as her muscles relaxed a little.

"Leave me alone Ron," She wrenched her wrist from his grasp, turning so he couldn't see her face. "Just leave me be, don't bother with me,"

"Gin," Ron said, his voice exasperated, "Please, you're hurting yourself, not to mention the rest of the family."

"Well why don't I just bloody well die then," She snapped, "Why don't I just disappear, and relieve everyone of my company."

"Gin, don't even joke about that," Ron said, he grabbed her shoulders and turned her around, looking into her big brown eyes, "We need you Gin, Harry needs you."

"Well obviously he bloody well doesn't," Ginny replied, looking away from Ron's eyes.

"He still needs you, he's just trying to keep you safe,"

"Well, this hurts more than any pain you-know-who could cause," She said, burying her face into her older brothers shirt, "Why don't you just go tell Harry that."

"You were fine when he first told you," Ron said, awkwardly patting her on her back.

"Yeah well, he had enough to deal with," Ginny looked up from Ron's now wet blue shirt, "What with Dumbledore and all, I couldn't bring myself to hurt him even more," She buried her face back into Ron's shirt.

"Gin, I feel like we're losing you," Ron changed the subject, straying away from the uncomfortable memory of Dumbledore, "Just come down for a little while."

"No," Ginny said, pushing Ron away, "I can't, not now." Ron accepted it and took it as his exit.

She rolled back over on her bed as she heard the door behind her close. _I am slipping away_ she thought to herself, _but I'm going to hold on_ she thought with a hint of optimism before thrusting her fist back into the wall, she watched as blood slowly trickled from her knuckles, leaving the wall stained red.

* * *

A hand felt around on a bedside table, trying to find the round glasses that had been thrown there last night. Finally the hand bumped into the glasses and sent them flying across the room.

"Bugger," Harry Potter muttered under his breath as he slowly got out of bed and clumsily strode over to where the glasses had fallen. He hit his head with his hand as though that would clear hid mind of his recent dream of long red hair and flowery scents. He grabbed the glasses and shoved them on his eyes, looking up into a dirty mirror to look at his disgruntled self.

"Merlin, just let me die," He said, wrenching a hand through all the knots in his hair. "I don't care," He said to himself peering into the mirror and making sure that the opposite of him copied his words "I don't care about her, I can't,"

"Stop trying to fool yourself, boy," A portrait of an old lady with a Scottish accent told him, "You say that every day but it couldn't be further from the truth." Harry made a rude hand gesture at her which caused her to huff and puff noisily but she stopped talking.

_If only he had listened_ Harry thought to himself as he shuffled back over to his bed, _I told him over and over again Snape was up to no good._ He thrust his hand into a stained white pillow ignoring the sounds of a Scottish accent telling him to "Watch it,"

"You just fed me shit to digest," Harry muttered, thinking back to all the times that Dumbledore had told him that he trusted Snape, that Snape was on our side. But that pleading voice, it haunted Harry. When his mind wasn't full of red hair that voice blared in his ears, _"Severus, please."_ And then the truth was shown, then Harry knew that he was right from the beginning as the killing curse escaped Snape's lips and his wand.

Harry stumbled around the room noisily, getting dressed for no reason at all because nothing was going to happen today, there was no trace of where Snape and Malfoy were, and he'd become stumped on where the other horcruxes could be. Harry's head swung around, looking at the little owl that was tapping on his window, hopes of a lead on to where Snape's hiding filled his brain as he ran over to the window. He clumsily tripped over a chair meant to be for the desk but that had been moved around many times by Harry's need to keep moving so he could stay awake and not dream about her. His glasses flew across the room, but Harry didn't care, he kept going towards the window, opening it up quickly and ripping the letter from the owl's leg sending the owl into loud squawks. The words were blurry through Harry's eyes, but he could make out one word, the first word, _Ginny_. Harry lay back down on his bed, all the excitement from the thought of catching Snape draining from him and leaving him lethargic.

"Ginny," His lips mouthed the word; using so little breath it hardly escaped from his mouth. He folded up the letter, putting it on his bedside table. He lay on the bed for the rest of the day, staring at the stark white of the ceiling. He couldn't deal with thinking about Ginny right now._ Stop_, he thought, his mind racing along with her red hair that seemed like it could go on forever "Stop!" His voice seemed foreign, dry and unused. Tears welled up in his eyes, as he reached for his quill and ink. His hand searching for a piece of parchment, the words were on the parchment before Harry had a chance to think them over.

_Don't tell me about Ginny; don't bother sending me anything. Forget I was ever here; let me be erased into oblivion. Let me slip away without a thought. _

_"Hold on, Harry,_" Those were the words she had used last month when he had seen her, simple but full of emotion. _"Hold on,"_ Harry grabbed the letter on his bedside table, ripping the side as he opened it quickly; all the words were blurry but the one, Ginny. He felt like a dog as he felt around on the floor on all fours for his glasses. _Crunch_ Harry looked down as he felt his glasses break under his hand. He grabbed them quickly not even noticing where the sharp edges of the broken glass had gashed his hand deeply. He shoved them on his eyes, making his eyesight uneven as one of the lenses was broken and the other not.

_Ginny's been hurt, you-know-who, if you can come quickly._

Harry recognized Ron's untidy scrawl right away. He looked at the small smudges on the paper were it had been evident of Ron's tears. Mistakes raced over Harry's eyes, all the things he had down, they were now shown. He had left Ginny to keep her safe, but the flaw in his plan was that he still loved her and Voldermort saw it, he saw it in his dreams at night. Harry sat down on his bed, his body giving up on him and he was ready to give up himself.

_"Hold on, Harry,"_

"One more try, one more try and I hope it finishes in death," Harry whispered into the silence. _Hold on,_ Harry rubbed his eyes with his hand as tears tried to force there way through his tear ducts. Liquid smeared over his face and he turned to look into the mirror. Blood was smeared across his face.

* * *

"Ginny?" A low voice grazed Ginny's ear as her eyes fluttered with desire to open, "Gin?" Softer now, but Ginny forced her eyes to stay closed, the light was all so blinding, she felt as though she'd been lost in the dark for years.

"No," She whispered softly into the silence, this wasn't supposed to happen, she wasn't supposed to wake up. A hand closed onto hers, it felt strong and big, close to breaking the fragile bones in her own small hand. "No," The word felt so far away as Ginny wished that things were different, this was supposed to be her escape, this was supposed to be her death.

"Ginny, wake up, I'm here," She scrunched her face up, unwilling to let herself give into the light and admit the fact that she was going to have to keep going with life. "Please," The word was soft, not pleading, more of a question. She opened her eyes slowly, leaving them as slits, but she could hardly see. Everything was a blur, except one face, and she knew that the face was connected to the hand that was softly squeezing her own. She stared off into no where, denying her want to look into Harry's face, leaving herself feeling like a zombie as she looked at the ceiling and yet didn't look at it at all.

"Goodbye," Ginny whispered, hardly audible, as she gave up and closed her eyes, not knowing if Harry had heard or not. Tracing a scar ripped into the hand that seemed to be the only thing holding her to this earth. She let herself fall back into a lethargic state, memories playing on the back of her eyelids. She listened as Harry tried to get her to wake up again, his voice muttering soft nothings in her ear, but she didn't feel anything. She felt her emotions and pain drift out of her as she turned into a shell of a person, left only with the memories. The only trace of her life left in the many diaries hidden up in her room in the burrow, full of cryptic entries.

"Hold on," Two words brought Ginny back from her lethargic state. But her eyes stayed closed tight this time, resistant to let the pain back in, only her mind was in full motion.

"Don't bother," She whispered the words, but was sure Harry heard them as she dug into the scab on his hand, "I don't need, don't want to be," He tried to pull his hand away as her fingernails hit blood, "I'll keep slipping farther, there's nothing you can do," She ripped open old scars on her own hand from ramming it into the wall, "But once I hold on, I won't let go till it bleeds," She opened her eyes, looking at Harry, and put her hand in his letting their blood mix.

Harry lay his head on Ginny's lap, "Stop, don't bother with me,"

"You don't need to bother,"

"Don't think about me, I don't need to be,"

"I don't need to be,"

"Let all your memories of me slip away, let me slip away,"

"I'll keep slipping farther,"

"Don't worry, I'll hold on,"

"But once I hold on,"

"I'm sorry, I'll never be able to live down my mistakes,"

"I'll never live down my deceits."

* * *

**A/N Continued: **Okay, so one: Review, review, review. Two: So did I get the point across that Harry and Ginny need each other? Lol. Three: Uh, review, lol, criticsm is always welcome.

* * *


End file.
